Monday, February 17, 2014

Stress and the Mess- Just want to be Closer

Every day we have a high calling that we need to fulfill and every day we can do it, whether it’s just to smile at somebody we little know. Lacey Sturm

You were put on this earth to achieve your greatest self, to live out your purpose, and to do it FEARLESSLY. Steve Maraboli

How blessed we are as human beings, as men and women on this God given earth. When I consider thy heavens, the work of thy fingers, the moon and stars, which thou has ordained. What is man, that thou art mindful of him? And the son of man that thou visit him? For thou crowned him with glory and honor (Psalms 8:3-5).

The last few years of my life have been a terrain of ups and downs. Trials, errors, victories and loneliness. Confusion and testing of my faith. This life is and has truly been testing me. I read that we all will have the "Job" experience, but it is how we deal with it to build our strength and what God is doing in it that makes the difference.

I have looked down in the darkness of the well of life. I have FAILED in many aspects of my life (spiritually/physically). I have had to make very tough heart wrenching, belly aching, heart throbbing decisions. There were and still are many times that it has ONLY been the mercy of God that has held me and is holding me together. I have frayed at the edges so many days, asking the Lord so many questions. Often tears are my only words, my only form of expression.

My Savoir has never let go of my hand, I am sure there were many days where He picked up my lifeless body and carried me. I found refuge in prayer, the word of God, friends, honesty and asking the Lord to help me. I promised Him that I would not give up or let go, even if it means holding on by a string.

I feel like I am just standing still, I feel at times like I am having a strange experience. I can see purpose and myself in the mirror but...... but what? I feel like I am at a door, the sign says open, come in. I go in and speak to the wise man, He tells me great prophesies of life and promised me that if only I trust His words all will be well. Yet I am always stumbling, constantly questioning my purpose and His promises. He tells me that there are many great things for me to accomplish here. Great work to be done for the Kingdom. Strength and power He will give to me- just trust Him and have some faith.Why then the same story day after day, I know that I have been com-placement. I feel stuck,doing the same song and dance every day. The truth is I am fed up with the mundane. I want MORE. I have been asking the Lord where I belong. Where do you want me to be? Who do you need me to help? The fault is not with God you know it is within us.


For the longest time I have had dreams in which I am always helping the children of the world the poor and less fortunate. I once was set on travelling all over to do mission work with children. I am not sure who has taken that dream from me. The man who buried his talent was cast away and it was also taken away from him. I pray the gifts that the Lord gave to me I will use.A few nights ago I had another dream that a native Indian man came to me and entrusted a young girl in my care, but I was running away from it... I know dreams do not always walk straight, but I do feel that there is something in them.  I woke up with a strange feeling I cannot explain. God loves us so deeply we cannot even understand the half of his plans for us. He put His creations in our control to have dominion over the work of His hands. He said I only have good thoughts towards you.

I intend on having patience and will continue to ask Him to be my strength in all my weaknesses. We need to purpose in our hearts to live a full life for God and on the earth. We are here only for a moment. We are sent to TRANSFORM this world; all who are on this earth right now are here for this time, for a reason.
Lord you are my fortress, my refuge, and my strong tower. There are greater things in this life that you and I need to accomplish. Let us walk in his statues and continue to live, love and TRY our best and FEAR NOT.

The Lord is on my side, I will not fear, what can man do unto me (Psalms 118:6)

Lord direct our paths that we may walk in strength and PURPOSE. Equip us with the Holy Spirit and let our lives show that there is a special light in us. Help us to do our best; help us to not get weary in our walk. Help us to see our lives through heaven’s eye. 

Enjoy the songs.
God bless